I started a 40 day prayer challenge, and it has been just that: a challenge.
There have been mornings where God has heard all my honest and raw feelings and praying to Him just seemed easy. But honestly, there have also been mornings where being in His presence is exhausting. I come to Him out of breath from stress and anxiety.
But I am learning to come anyways.
Beat down and barely awake, I come. Despite not having words to say or feelings to express, I come. I don’t come to the table because God needs me to; I come because I need to.
I have been clinging to these words by Kristin Stockfisch about prayer:
Prayer is hard. It just is you guys. But it needs to be. There is too much humbling, heart-changing spiritual advancement done in this space to be easy. We are made holy in times of prayer with God. We are made right. We are made ready. Maybe the question needs to change from: what do I gain if I pray? To: what is this world losing because I’m not praying?
Praying is hard, but anytime you pour your heart out to someone it is bound to be tough. Prayer isn’t any different. God already knows our every need, yet He still longs to hear from us. And as a human, I long to be heard. Getting past the awkward and routine communication and getting to the deep-down, genuine prayers is where heart-change happens. When we let God in, we are humbled, we are seen, and we are heard.
I am learning that God doesn’t want my righteous prayers. He doesn’t want my exaggerations and empty words.
God wants me. All of me — every bumped head and scraped knee. Every sleepless night and insecure thought. God is after our hearts and prayer is the greatest open-heart surgery there ever will be. Prayer breaks us. Prayer ensures our hearts are in-line with His. Prayer surrenders to his timing. Prayer submits to His ways.